Lilah is extremely fun, and very busy. Some of her favorite activities include removing all the books and DVDs from their shelves. She likes playing with and chewing on her pacifier. She's getting to be more interested in books and reading, trying to turn the pages of her cardboard stories. Her attention span still never lasts through more than one or two. Dano finished A Wrinkle in Time without me. I just found this out a few days ago.
I've been busy planning her birthday party. It doesn't feel real to me. I'm going through the motions, but still it hasn't quite hit me - Lilah Rose has graced the world for an entire year. I can think it; I can type it. It still isn't reality to me. Most of this year has been spent simply keeping her alive. At least for the first few months, her physical needs took their toll on the time we had to spend with her. As she grew to be more interactive, her mental and emotional needs became just as important. Now, she's becoming more independent by the day and her personality blossoms more every morning she opens her eyes. It's one thing to parent a tiny baby. Although it was wonderful, it took much more brain than heart. Heart kept me going when I was frustrated and overwhelmed, but it was my brain that always whispered the next step, her routine, cuing me in to what each of her initial cries might mean. I feel like this next stage of parenting will be a stage more of the heart. Setting limits, guiding through new stages, encouraging exploration and learning.
In my efforts to consciously wean her, I've realized just how much I'll miss breastfeeding my baby. I'm not cutting out any feedings until she gives them up, but once she quits one, I make sure to stick with it - offering other forms of comfort in place of a nap time feeding, for instance. She might still be nursing once or twice a day at her first birthday, but that's just fine with me. I've laughed to myself, remembering the tentative first days of breastfeeding. Lilah was so over-eager to eat, she wouldn't latch on properly. When she discovered no milk was running into her mouth, she would get so frustrated and angry, Dano would have to hold her hand and stroke her palms gently to calm her down enough to latch. The days he was at school were especially difficult. Now, she crawls into my lap and takes my shirt in her chubby fists and touches her forehead to my chest. If I don't catch on right away, she looks up at me and whines, "Mama!", then does it again. While she nurses, she swings her fat little legs, waves to anyone around her, or cuddles the cat (who maintains a regal and watchful pose, never more than a foot away while Lilah nurses).
Her vocabulary seems to expand daily. She's constantly making noises or trying to imitate new words. She correctly uses and knows the meaning of Mama (sometimes she calls me "Mom-mom, which I think is cute), Dada, cat, ni-night (when she's sleepy), num-num (anything edible or presumed to be edible. Also meaning, "I'm hungry"), and bye-bye. If I say, "Lilah, would you like a milk?", she gets very excited and puts her forehead on my chest, so I know she understands me.
Her tricks include catching water from a spray bottle in her mouth, waving goodbye, clapping, playing peekaboo, playing pat-a-cake, raising her hands in the air when you said, "Soooo big!", and playing hide-and-seek around corners. We work on tricks often. Everyone likes a baby who can do tricks.
I will keep preparing for her birthday, both mentally and physically, but I don't think the reality will hit me until March 24, 2010. Lilah really is getting to be "sooo big".
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