You can't always get what you want

I've said it before, and I'm sure this won't be the last time, but I have a very willful child. She's an angel most times, but she's headstrong. When she sets her mind to something, it will happen (in her eyes). She hasn't lived long enough to know anything different.

As many of you know from personal experience, Lilah has commandeered my phone and has learned to dial, change settings, and (believe it or not) text using the preset templates that came with the phone and are unfortunately undeletable. I hate my phone and therefore wouldn't care if it got ruined, and it's easier for me to apologize for her babbling voicemails and erroneous texts stating "Watcha Doin?" and other obnoxious phrases than it is for me to put the effort into keeping it constantly out of reach. This being the case, Lilah has come to the understanding (quite unintentionally on my part) that any object that seems remotely interesting and is within her line of vision is automatically hers. Today I got my camera out to take some photos of her cute pigtails and ribbons. The only ones I snapped were either blurry with her arms reaching for the phone or of her bawling her big blue eyes out because I didn't let her have the camera. She nabbed it a few times throughout the afternoon, but I redirected and distracted her away from it.

After a few more episodes like this, I was getting a little impatient. I struggle with this with the residents at work from time to time. It's always the same cycle - "Behavior. Redirect. Behavior + anger at the redirection. Distract. Behavior + kick you in the shins." It usually never ends well for me. This time I wouldn't get a kick in the shins, only a screaming baby. Lilah and I went upstairs and I put on a Veggie Tales movie. I was going to choose Lyle the Kindly Viking because it's her favorite, but I chose Madame Blueberry: A Lesson in Thankfulness instead. The premise involves a "very blue Berry" who is sad because her neighbors all have nicer things than she, so she goes to the local "StuffMart" to buy her way to a happy heart. On the way, she sees a very poor family celebrating their little girl's birthday with only a piece of apple pie, and a little boy whose father can't afford to buy him the train set he really wants. Instead of being unhappy, the little kids sing, "I thank God for this day, for the sun in the sky, for my mom and my dad, for my piece of apple pie, for the love that He shares, cuz He listens to our prayers. That's why I give thanks every day. Because a thankful heart is a happy heart. I'm glad for what I have. That's an easy way to start. For our home on the ground, for his love that's all around, that's why I give thanks every day."

This is the kind of mindset I want Lilah to grow up with (and I would do well to follow it more myself), so I wanted to get it in her head early. After the movie was over, I sang her "You Can't Always Get What You Want" to really seal it into her brain. She resumed playing and I congratulated myself on a lesson well-taught as I dabbed some mineral powder onto my face to hide the purple shadows under my eyes that I'm learning to accept as a permanent fixture. I saw Lilah's hand snake into my lap for the little jar of powder and I caught her wrist. "No, Lilah. That's Mama's." I handed her a toy. She looked at me with disgust and threw the toy. I raised an eyebrow and went back to what I was doing. Over snakes the little arm again and we repeated the same thing, only I was a little firmer this time. I picked her up sat her down about a foot away and handed her the toy, making it dance happily in front of it. She tossed it aside and made a grab for the jar. I raised my voice a hair. "Lilah, No." She burst into tears and threw herself back onto the floor, then sobbingly held out her arms for me to come get her. I made an executive decision and went back to what I was doing. She screamed and kicked her legs, then came back for the jar again! This went on for about 10 minutes before she accepted that she was not allowed to have something and just cried quietly to herself until I was done. She did not, under any circumstances, understand the lesson from the movie and it's going to be a long, uphill battle if she responds like that to a gentle and firm "no". It's a battle Dano and I are willing to fight if we want a little girl with a happy heart and unfortunately for her, that not only means she has to be glad for what she already has, but most importantly she can't always get what she wants.