So Lilah has been getting up 2-3 times in the night. She doesn't wail, fuss, or play. She just cries softly and heartbreakingly for me. Either Dano or I go in, re-tuck her, and leave. She goes instantly back to sleep. I have concluded that she is either disoriented after having dreams that wake her up or just going through more separation anxiety. It's not just for me. Although her cries are more frequently for me, every morning when I get her out of her crib, she sits on Dano's pillow and pats it. "Dada?" And I tell her every morning, "Daddy's at school. He'll be back later." "Dada?" She accepts this, drools all over his pillow for good measure, and gets down off the bed (and by "gets down", I mean slithers haphazardly and headfirst over the edge and I lower her down gently by her ankle or whatever body part I happen to grab quickly enough to keep her from hitting the floor. I'm usually fast enough. Usually). The strangest part is that she actually notices when one of us is missing from the equation. At about 9 months, babies begin to realize there is only one "Mama". That's amusing to me. Apparently before that point, she just assumed there was an entire clone army of identical mamas poised and ready to meet her every need. No wonder babies have no patience or concept of waiting. I'd be pissed too if my "army of mamas" was seemingly lazing about instead of attending to me. Now, however, Lilah realizes that Mama and Daddy are singular beings with no replacement, duplicate, or substitute. This could be the reason for separation anxiety. Why be anxious when a parent walks out of the room when there are hundreds of other parents probably right around the corner? This might also explain why Lilah now follows me out of the room, trucking along as fast as her fat little arms and legs can propel her.
Other than making it rather difficult to go to the bathroom, this attachment is a wonderful phase. Yes, it occasionally gets old, but Lilah isn't physically clinging to me. She just wants me present. I only work two days a week. What else should I be doing besides spending time with my daughter? Sure, there's messing around on facebook or blogging or doing yoga or showering, but she takes 2 two-hour naps a day. 4 hours is plenty of time for those things. When I'm cooking or cleaning, she's happily playing with her toys or destroying my cupboards. For the past two days, Lilah has added a new behavior to our morning routine that I hope continues until she's 16. We get up at 8:30 in the morning, wrestle in my bed, play peek-a-boo with covers and pillows, make stuffed animal forts, read stories, sing songs, and eventually get dressed. She has her cereal and fruit while I have my coffee, usually listening to some grand music, singing, and being silly. After that, she plays with her toys while I check my email. I know better than to get my own breakfast until she's down for her nap. If I do, I don't get a bite of it. For the past two days, at exactly 10 o'clock, she starts peeping on the floor. Just a fuss here and a complaint there. After a few minutes, she chooses a stuffed animal friend to accompany her, and crawls up into my lap. I pull up something for her to watch on Netflix or Youtube - something along the lines of Baby Einstein. Anything with soothing classical music played by an assortment of music box-like instruments, with colors, animals, stars, crashing waves. She holds her animal, I hold her, she puts her head on my chest, I rest my cheek on her head and stroke her downy hair, and she drifts off to sleep in my arms at 10:30. I sit, holding her in disbelief. She hasn't slept in my lap since she was a newborn. It's been absolute magic, and I took a picture this morning, just to prove that it actually happened. My baby is back! I hope this phase never ends.
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