10-13-2008
"It's been a whole month! We moved to Michigan and we live in a lovely little house now. Dano's preparing to start school in January, and he begins wok in a few days at the local Ramada. I just got hired at Marquette County Medical Facility, a long-term type of place. I also have an interview at Marquette General, a local hospital, next week. They need an afternoon LPN for their Psych unit. Just today we got health coverage for me and the baby. Everything has really been coming together.
Speaking of the baby, it's been growing every day! I find out any day if I'm carrying a boy or a girl. My belly gets smoother and rounder all the time. It's absolutely amazing to watch every day. I feel a little flutter of movement every now and then.
My pregnancy has gone from being like a sickness to being this magic process that I feel so privileged to be a part of. The baby can even hear things outside the uterus now. I feel this growing tenderness blossoming for a child I've never met. It's incredible. Next time I write, hopefully it will be with news about the baby's sex! I can't wait to see its little face again on the screen."
Speaking of the baby, it's been growing every day! I find out any day if I'm carrying a boy or a girl. My belly gets smoother and rounder all the time. It's absolutely amazing to watch every day. I feel a little flutter of movement every now and then.
My pregnancy has gone from being like a sickness to being this magic process that I feel so privileged to be a part of. The baby can even hear things outside the uterus now. I feel this growing tenderness blossoming for a child I've never met. It's incredible. Next time I write, hopefully it will be with news about the baby's sex! I can't wait to see its little face again on the screen."
10-30-2008
"It was only supposed to be a couple days, but as usual, it took a couple weeks. For my first appointment with Dr. Hatfield, the receptionist made an appointment for a day the doctor wasn't even there! The nurse got my history take down, but that's about it. I had to come back on Monday to see the doctor. I liked her when I met her. She's short, slender, in her 30's, with long black hair. She smells like Patchouli, so she reminds me of Dano's mom. She listened to the baby's heart, which was still in the 150's. My uterus was right at my belly button where it should be. She answered a few questions for me, like what I should do about my hips aching painfully at night. Turns out, there's not much I can do. She's going to be the baby's doctor too, so that's one less thing to worry about. She made an appointment for a fetal survey ultrasound for Thursday, which is today!
I'd been having strange dreams about the baby. Usually they're about the delivery or soon after, and I always see the same little girl baby with round, velvety cheeks, a cute little Elf nose, closed eyes with long, dark lashes, and downy, dark hair. Last night, I dreamed a doctor I didn't know tried to induce labor early and I threw a fit and wouldn't let him. It ended with me holding the baby after delivering her on my terms. It was a good decision in my dream.
In another dream, I was holding the baby and I called Dano over and said, 'Come hold your daughter'. It's weird, but I always see the same baby. It will be weird if the baby looks like my dreams. Almost eerie. But maybe it will be a small let down if it looks completely different. Who knows?
So today dragged on slowly until my appointment. My heart was racing and my bladder was full of water and juice, so I wasn't very comfortable. The sonographer, Mary, said Dano had to wait in the other room while I changed into a gown! I hadn't expected that. When I was done, I hopped up on the table and she squirted that warm junk on my belly. She said I must have been concave before I got pregnant, because there was such a tiny bump. I was immediately amazed by how much the baby had grown! It had the sweetest little face, with a tiny upturned nose just like Dano's.
Mary measured the heart, which was pumping strongly with all four chambers. She measured the spine, skull, and brain, which all ended where they were supposed to. I had been worried about spina bifida because I didn't take vitamins regularly, but she said the baby looked absolutely perfect. She saw the stomach and bladder, which were full from the baby swallowing amniotic fluid. The kidneys looked good, and the umbilical cord had all three vessels and inserted perfectly into the abdomen. She found both hands and feet and had to measure the femurs. The baby started to suck on its fingers, so we got a photo of that. Every time Mary looked at something in the lower body, I would look frantically for a penis. There was a photo taken of the profile, the baby holding out one finder and pointing, the mouth open, and a hand scratching the head. She checked to make sure the placenta was in a good spot. It's perfectly on top, right at the fundus.
After that, she checked the sex. The first time, she said, 'Nothing's popping out at me. If I were a betting woman, I'd say you're having a girl.' Of course I started to cry. She checked again and said she was 80% sure. The baby shifted a minute later, and she checked again and saw a little slit between the legs - a girl! I couldn't quit tearing up. She was so beautiful. I would have loved a little boy dearly, but I wanted a girl so badly. Not to dress up like a doll or make miserable, but to pass on all my American Girl Dolls to, to take girl trips to Chicago and take to the American Girl Place on her birthday, to shop with if she likes to shop, or just be for her the mother I always wanted - a mother on my terms. Somehow, having a daughter breaks the chain of so many years of poor motherhood. If I can just learn to be the mother she *needs* me to be, rather than the mother I *feel* like being, I'll heal years of dysfunctional mother-daughter relationships. It's a tall order, but I'd do anything to fulfill it.
Unless we change our minds, we're calling her Lilah Rose Alexander. Kelli and her family were thrilled. Kate cried because we're using her middle name. Kim screamed and can't wait to be 'Auntie Kim'. Even Larry was impressed it was a little girl. All my friends texted, emailed, or called back saying they knew it all along. We want to do the nursery in a garden-type theme. I looked at the cutest green dragonfly quilt. Now comes the fun part- buying stuff. :)"
I'd been having strange dreams about the baby. Usually they're about the delivery or soon after, and I always see the same little girl baby with round, velvety cheeks, a cute little Elf nose, closed eyes with long, dark lashes, and downy, dark hair. Last night, I dreamed a doctor I didn't know tried to induce labor early and I threw a fit and wouldn't let him. It ended with me holding the baby after delivering her on my terms. It was a good decision in my dream.
In another dream, I was holding the baby and I called Dano over and said, 'Come hold your daughter'. It's weird, but I always see the same baby. It will be weird if the baby looks like my dreams. Almost eerie. But maybe it will be a small let down if it looks completely different. Who knows?
So today dragged on slowly until my appointment. My heart was racing and my bladder was full of water and juice, so I wasn't very comfortable. The sonographer, Mary, said Dano had to wait in the other room while I changed into a gown! I hadn't expected that. When I was done, I hopped up on the table and she squirted that warm junk on my belly. She said I must have been concave before I got pregnant, because there was such a tiny bump. I was immediately amazed by how much the baby had grown! It had the sweetest little face, with a tiny upturned nose just like Dano's.
Mary measured the heart, which was pumping strongly with all four chambers. She measured the spine, skull, and brain, which all ended where they were supposed to. I had been worried about spina bifida because I didn't take vitamins regularly, but she said the baby looked absolutely perfect. She saw the stomach and bladder, which were full from the baby swallowing amniotic fluid. The kidneys looked good, and the umbilical cord had all three vessels and inserted perfectly into the abdomen. She found both hands and feet and had to measure the femurs. The baby started to suck on its fingers, so we got a photo of that. Every time Mary looked at something in the lower body, I would look frantically for a penis. There was a photo taken of the profile, the baby holding out one finder and pointing, the mouth open, and a hand scratching the head. She checked to make sure the placenta was in a good spot. It's perfectly on top, right at the fundus.
After that, she checked the sex. The first time, she said, 'Nothing's popping out at me. If I were a betting woman, I'd say you're having a girl.' Of course I started to cry. She checked again and said she was 80% sure. The baby shifted a minute later, and she checked again and saw a little slit between the legs - a girl! I couldn't quit tearing up. She was so beautiful. I would have loved a little boy dearly, but I wanted a girl so badly. Not to dress up like a doll or make miserable, but to pass on all my American Girl Dolls to, to take girl trips to Chicago and take to the American Girl Place on her birthday, to shop with if she likes to shop, or just be for her the mother I always wanted - a mother on my terms. Somehow, having a daughter breaks the chain of so many years of poor motherhood. If I can just learn to be the mother she *needs* me to be, rather than the mother I *feel* like being, I'll heal years of dysfunctional mother-daughter relationships. It's a tall order, but I'd do anything to fulfill it.
Unless we change our minds, we're calling her Lilah Rose Alexander. Kelli and her family were thrilled. Kate cried because we're using her middle name. Kim screamed and can't wait to be 'Auntie Kim'. Even Larry was impressed it was a little girl. All my friends texted, emailed, or called back saying they knew it all along. We want to do the nursery in a garden-type theme. I looked at the cutest green dragonfly quilt. Now comes the fun part- buying stuff. :)"
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