8-3-2008
"It's been ages since I've written. I've been too sick to write anything much. I only have about three weeks left of feeling awful. I just want to eat again. And I'm constantly worrying that all this sickness is hurting my baby. In other cultures, they call pregnancy being "sick with baby" I'm starting to see some truth in that.
I have an ultrasound next Monday, my very first. I'm very excited. Dano's going. I can't wait to see the baby in person. I'll get to see its heart beating and its tiny arms and legs squirming around maybe. I just want someone to look at him or her and tell me everything's fine, that I haven't hurt it by throwing up my prenatal vitamins and being so stressed out, that it isn't a molar or ectopic pregnancy that could hurt me and would have to be removed, that the baby isn't dead and just trapped inside. I'm so afraid of all those crazy, impossible things. A week from tomorrow, I'll have some answers. I'm always sending up tiny prayers, sometimes just a breath, 'God, protect my baby, no matter what.' I just want to hold it, look in its little face and see what we made, tell it 'I love you'.
At this point, the baby better be a girl, because Dano and I got the sweetest little sleeper and nightcap with stars and moons from Bekah, who swears it's a girl. A baby boy would hate us for making him wear a pink sleeper."
I have an ultrasound next Monday, my very first. I'm very excited. Dano's going. I can't wait to see the baby in person. I'll get to see its heart beating and its tiny arms and legs squirming around maybe. I just want someone to look at him or her and tell me everything's fine, that I haven't hurt it by throwing up my prenatal vitamins and being so stressed out, that it isn't a molar or ectopic pregnancy that could hurt me and would have to be removed, that the baby isn't dead and just trapped inside. I'm so afraid of all those crazy, impossible things. A week from tomorrow, I'll have some answers. I'm always sending up tiny prayers, sometimes just a breath, 'God, protect my baby, no matter what.' I just want to hold it, look in its little face and see what we made, tell it 'I love you'.
At this point, the baby better be a girl, because Dano and I got the sweetest little sleeper and nightcap with stars and moons from Bekah, who swears it's a girl. A baby boy would hate us for making him wear a pink sleeper."
8-9-2008
"Well, I had a doctor's appointment yesterday. She pretty much just said I'm pregnant, but I have an ultrasound on Thursday. I'm so excited to see my little baby. Dano and I are thinking about doing the nursery in suns, moons, and stars. That would work for a little boy or girl.
I've been feeling a little less sick, thank God. I thought I'd die for a few weeks there. I think the baby will have an unnatural love for Panic at the Disco. That's mostly all I listened to for the past few months. Dano would be furious :). That's all for now. I have to go make a grocery list."
I've been feeling a little less sick, thank God. I thought I'd die for a few weeks there. I think the baby will have an unnatural love for Panic at the Disco. That's mostly all I listened to for the past few months. Dano would be furious :). That's all for now. I have to go make a grocery list."
8-17-2008
"It's Sunday and I meant to write yesterday but I was uncharacteristically sick. It's been gradually improving, thank God. There were a few weeks where I could barely force myself out of bed, and I'd be throwing up all day. But now, I've mostly learned to control it.
I had my first ultrasound on Thursday. I'll be silly and describe it in detail, since this is just for me and no one else will care. The Nurse Practitioner interviewed me alone because she didn't realize Dano and I were married. They only did an abdominal, which was a relief. They put this warm, jelly stuff on my belly and moved the little doppler around with the screen pointed away from me. They both had frowns on their faces, and I started to tear up. I was sure something was really wrong. The two nurses finally turned the screen toward me and said, 'There's your little one.' And I thought I'd really cry then.
It turns out they were just trying to measure my baby, but it was kicking and squirming too much. I saw its little heart, face, fingers, and toes, it just wiggled everywhere. I thought it must be the most beautiful baby ever. Dano was ridiculously excited. He thought it looked like him. Ann and Kelli were so thrilled. Larry and Luke didn't see the appeal. Seeing my baby changed my life."
I had my first ultrasound on Thursday. I'll be silly and describe it in detail, since this is just for me and no one else will care. The Nurse Practitioner interviewed me alone because she didn't realize Dano and I were married. They only did an abdominal, which was a relief. They put this warm, jelly stuff on my belly and moved the little doppler around with the screen pointed away from me. They both had frowns on their faces, and I started to tear up. I was sure something was really wrong. The two nurses finally turned the screen toward me and said, 'There's your little one.' And I thought I'd really cry then.
It turns out they were just trying to measure my baby, but it was kicking and squirming too much. I saw its little heart, face, fingers, and toes, it just wiggled everywhere. I thought it must be the most beautiful baby ever. Dano was ridiculously excited. He thought it looked like him. Ann and Kelli were so thrilled. Larry and Luke didn't see the appeal. Seeing my baby changed my life."
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